I will dedicate a large part of this article to the act of forgiveness as well as the theme of resentment and its negative effects on the individuals.
When a person doesn’t fulfil what he or she has promised or behaves in a way that attempts what we consider to be legitimate expectations, we will probably be upset for what happened, and we will feel even more affected, if that person doesn’t assume his or her behaviour and its consequences.
We might feel like victims in a situation that was unfair for us. And by thinking that way, we will justify our resentment with the other person, placing the other on the side of “bad/evil.” So we end up believing that it is right to feel resent.
However, the resentment will chip away our peace of mind and eventually our well-being. It will end up making us slaves of the person we resent. As a consequence, we may end up destroying not only our own happiness, but also our freedom as individuals. When we allow ourselves to be absorbed by resentment, we have put ourselves in a place of dependence on the person who caused it.
Worse, this person may have ignored the issue that caused that state of mind in us. Forgiveness is not only an act of kindness for someone who has hurt us, but more importantly for ourselves.
The act of forgiving makes us free.
That is, when we forgive we decide to take care of ourselves and close down what has hurt us in the process. By forgiving, we accept and recognize that we are responsible for our own well-being.
If it is difficult to forgive someone who has hurt us, it is even more difficult when we have to forgive ourselves. Generally, when something negative happens we ask ourselves the question: “If I had done things differently perhaps this would not have happened?” and this condemns us for the damage or mistake and generates a feeling of guilt. This conclusion doesn’t give space to the fact that our actions were done from another place and in different conditions than we are currently. We are not perfect and we will never be perfect – making mistakes is part of the learning process in our lives.
Forgiving ourselves a strong liberating effect and being able to do so is an expression of love for oneself and for life, in general. Forgiving yourself is essential to have inner peace and enjoy good mental and physical health. It must be viewed as the greatest gift that we can give ourselves.
Going to psychological therapy is highly recommended when you feel unable to forgive someone or even unable to forgive yourself. The therapist will help you from a more impartial perspective and will also provide you with the appropriate strategies to overcome what you need to achieve greater well-being in your life.
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